So I present to you...
Kat Kennedy's Top Eight Expectations for BEA Next Year
So here I am, at Kara and Lyn’s place. Let me tell you, it is NICE. I don’t usually get let out much. Steph might loosen the shackles once or twice a day so I can creep closer to the sliver of sunlight that shines into my cell. But, I show up here and they give me sandwiches! Can I just say, so much better than the bucket of fish heads Steph gives me.
So, I’m heading to BEA next year for the first time. I’m excited. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m like expecting a parade in my honour, or to ride a magical unicorn through a rainbow made of gummi bears. I mean, it would be nice, okay? Like, really nice. I won’t say no if someone manages that. But the expectations I do have, I hold fondly to my heart. And here they are, in case, ya know, someone wants to make them happen.
1. I want to meet all of you. ALL OF YOU!
My greatest fear about BEA is that I’m going to show up, walk into the club and be like, “What up? I got a big cock!”
(Photo Credit: http://mimisworld.deviantart.com/art/Rooster-65304473)
Caption: Never go anywhere without it.
I think if I don’t meet every blogger there at least once, then I will officially cry.
2. I have to hang out with my partner in crime, V Rossi.
There’s a lot of authors I love. Kristoff, Kaufman, Victoria Scott, Bardugo, your father, etc. There’s one author that I must meet and spend at least a little time fangirl screaming. That author is the V-Spot, Veronica Rossi. I’ve already planned our romantic boat ride down the canal and paid the evil villains that will try to attack us so that V and I can practise firing heroically while dodging bullets. This is the important stuff, people. It must happen.
3. Making a Complete Bum out of Myself
Okay, I know this one sounds weird. I’ve long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I’m an awkward penguin. I already know that in a three day span, I will more than assuredly say all the wrong things, insult almost everyone, blab out inappropriate things, drop food on myself, trip and all around assing up my already tenuously bad reputation.
But, whilst I’m not looking forward to the inevitable embarrassment, it does tend to make for funny, memorable stories later. Those are sometimes the best memories. Like that time I spilled food on Sarah at the Harlequin Summit and stained her dress. Or how I got drunk and couldn’t exactly walk straight and then we rescued a possum. Because that’s how a night out with me works.
4. Eating all the Food at Any Publisher Party People are Dumb Enough to Invite Me to
I should also mention that this pertains to any free alcohol. Open bar is like a gift from the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Going to the parties themselves will be totally awesome, don’t get me wrong. Can’t wait to meet the fabulous publishers I’ve come to know and love, learn about new books coming out blah, de blah, blah but the food! I love food, have I mentioned that? GIVE IT TO ME!
5. Sneaking into Any Publisher Party People are Dumb Enough Not to Invite Me to
Life is adventure right? If one door closes, go through a window. So if you’re a publisher and you don’t want me at your party, do try to lock the windows okay? Cause I will sneak in. For real.
Photo credit: http://www.lotsofjokes.com/sneaky_cat-picture-810.asp
6. Practising My American Accent
My first plan is to go in stealth mode through BEA and see how well I can pass as an American. I’ve been practising trying to pass as an American for a while. Steph says it’s appalling, but what does she know? So if someone comes up to you talking funny and looking drunk, be suspicious.
7. Trying to seduce Kara and Lyn
Kara and Lyn, who have kindly let me onto their blog, are my illicit lovers. Well, at least Kara is. Lyn friendzoned me. Meanie. But I truly look forward to smooshing with them in big goopy hugs. Because, you know, there’s your bookish friends and then there’s your bookish crushes. Kara and Lyn are my bookish crushes, yo!
8. Thieving All The Books
Don’t be so surprised! We all knew this was coming. Books! Books! ALL THE BOOKS!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!